Human
by BamonTivaLove
Summary: Bonnie reads about her ancestor's love story with a vampire and begins to think of her mortality and how this will affect her life with Damon.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey everyone! So yesterday my computer went bat shit crazy and wouldn't let me access any of the programs on my desktop and to say I freaked the fuck out is a bit of an understatement…excuse my vulgar language. Anyway, I have never been more grateful for Microsoft word and the internet and my computer than I am now so I was inspired to write another Bamon story. I got the first season for Christmas and have been watching one disc per day and I am just falling in love w/ the show all over again. Also, watching Stefan and Elena interact gives me more of a reason to oppose Delena. Like seriously, they belong together. And Damon and Bonnie might not be right for each other but they are way more interesting than Damon and Elena will ever be together. Anyway, I feel like this is a topic TVD has yet to approach, the fact that a human and vampire can't really be together. Because humans tend to age, you know. I really wanted to write about this and I knew it would be a challenge so I hope you like it! Remember to let me know what you think. Love, BamonTivaLove_

I'm sitting on my living room couch, watching the latest episode of Project Runway and laughing at the ridiculousness of some of the designs. It's been a long time since I've been able to spend a Friday night normally, without evil vampires trying to kill me or doing spells to protect Elena. In fact, when I try, I can't quite remember what life was like before Damon and Stefan blew into town, bringing with them the dangers and uncertainty of their lives. As much as I love Damon and care about Stefan, even I have to admit life was a lot less stressful and a lot more certain before they came along.

I'm just about to change the channel, when there's a light but quick knock on my front door. If this had been two years ago, I would've gotten up and opened the door without thinking about it. But this isn't two years ago. This is now and I look to the door with trepidation, my heart stopping for a second. I mentally prepare myself for just about anything and walk to the door, slowly and quietly. My hand touches the door knob and I take a deep breath.

"I can feel your fear through the door," calls a voice.

"Damon," I say, breathing a sigh of relief as I open the door.

He's standing on my porch, smiling deviously and cocking his head.

"Who were you expecting?" he asks.

"I have no idea," I said, rubbing my forehead and nodding at the books in his arms. "What are those?"

"These are going to change your life," he replies, stepping inside my house and placing them on the coffee table.

"What is it?" I ask again, crossing my arms and peering at the old looking covers.

"Look through them," he says, throwing himself on my couch so that he's lying down.

The books look like my grams' grimoire, but older and thicker and the binding has some engraving I can't quite make out. I sit on the floor, so close to Damon I can feel his breath on my neck. I open them slowly, as if at any moment something will come out and grab me. It seems I approach a lot of things this way these days. The first think I notice is a picture of several women, one of them is Emily. I realize it's a family tree, but there are no men, just women.

"That is the Bennett witch lineage," murmurs Damon.

I nod absentmindedly and feel my breath catch in my throat as I realize Emily is the last one to be listed.

"Where did you get this?" I ask, turning to look at him.

He avoids my eyes but answers me.

"When Emily was…taken, I saved her children and took her books with me. I thought one of them had to be the grimoire. I didn't know my father had taken it."

"So you've had these all this time," I say, slightly annoyed that Damon knows more about my family's history than I do.

"Yeah," he murmurs, almost as if he's getting ready to be lectured.

"Damon why didn't you give these to me sooner?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows, completely confused.

He shrugs and starts playing with a strand of my hair. "I don't know. I really don't. I think I just forgot about them until now. I figured they'd help you with all the trouble you've been having with spells and stuff."

I snatch the strand of hair out of his hand and narrow my eyes at him.

"Are you sure you weren't keeping it for other reasons?" I ask.

He's staring at me for a few seconds before he figures out what I'm insinuating. When he does realize it, his eyes widen and his jaw tenses.

"What, you think I kept it to use it against you?" he says, sitting up quickly.

"I don't know," I say, shrugging. "What other reason could there be Damon?"

"I don't know Bonnie," he says, raising his voice. "The entire world doesn't revolve around you believe it or not. I didn't keep it to use it against you, I just forgot about it okay? Jesus."

There's a long silence before the guilt starts to kick in. I look up Damon, who is staring off into space.

"Hey," I say, resting my chin on his knee and looking up at him. "I'm sorry. I just got a little paranoid, that's all. I know you wouldn't do that."

He looks down at me and I can see him trying to make up his mind about whether he should storm out or forgive me. When he rolls his eyes, I know I am forgiven.

"I'm not out to get you Bonnie," he says, grabbing my ponytail and pulling it a little so that he can kiss me on the mouth.

"I know," I say, my lips still against his.

"So are you going to look through that thing or should I just take it back?" he asks, nodding at the book.

"Don't you dare," I say, going back to flipping through the pages.

Damon leaves when he realizes my attention will be completely focused on the books and not him. I barely notice him leave because I'm so intrigued by the contents of the books. They're each like a diary of sorts. Each witch documented their lives, from spells they created to the troubles they had to persecution they faced. I learned that nearly every witch had experienced nose bleeds and passing out at one point or another. I learned that Emily had come into her abilities when she was eleven, far younger than anyone else in the bloodline ever had. It was three in the morning and my eyelids were drooping when I came across something that completely woke me up. There was a passage by Evangeline Bennett, Emily's grandmother, where she talked about falling in love with a vampire.

_May 5, 1790_

_Today I met a man who could cause disaster amongst my loved ones. His name is Demitri Vodianova and he informed me that he is originally from Russia. I don't know if he knows that I know what he is, but he acts as though he's not aware of it. Despite my knowledge of what he is, I couldn't help but be struck by his physical beauty. He had piercing green eyes that made me weary, golden hair and icy pale skin. I saw warmth in his eyes, in spite of his cold skin. I don't know if I will ever see him again, since we met on the street but I will do my best to avoid him._

_9 May , 1790_

_I saw him again today when I was out buying flowers for the kitchen table. It seems as though he had followed me but I didn't bring it up for fear of what kind of temper he possessed. He asked me how I was and I replied with a quick smile and "fine, thank you." Although I knew I was foolish to trust him, I found him strangely genuine and kind. He didn't try to compel me, which I suppose could mean that he knows what I am, but I like to believe it is the result of him being a good person. _

_16 May , 1790_

_I feel like a childish girl but I have the strong sense that I am falling in love with Demitri, and he with me. We have spent almost every waking second together, conversing and laughing and exchanging letters in which we reveal our innermost secrets. He has yet to reveal to me what he is, but I feel that he will soon. Occasionally I see him gazing at me, as though he has so much he wants to tell me. I wish I could confess to him all that I know, but I want him to have faith in me. My mother does not approve of my friendship with him, but she says nothing. I do not know why this is but she has yet to stand in my way. _

_19 May , 1790_

_He has finally revealed to me what he is and I couldn't be more happy than if he had proposed to me. He was hesitant and fearful at first, but I soon saw the fear dissolve as he began to speak. I told him what I am and he was not the least bit surprised. He told me he knew this all along since he'd been familiar with the name Bennett for many years. I asked him if he knew of my knowledge of what he is and he said he did. I asked him why he had not acknowledged it and he said he knew I wished for him to be the one to tell me. He kissed me afterwards and even though I knew I should have pushed him away, I couldn't help myself and I kissed him in return. His eyes began to turn red but he refused to give in to his desires and instead looked away until the urge left him. I knew in that moment that I wanted to be with him._

_23 May , 1790_

_Everyday I spend with Demitri, I fall more and more in love with him. His existence as a vampire has no effect on my feelings for him, though it should. I have shown him some of the spells I can do and he has told me of his life, of when he was turned, of his family before he was turned. I feel as though I've known him all my life._

_28 May, 1790_

_There has been one thought occupying my mind more than any other for some time now. I love Demitri and though I knew from the beginning of his immortality, I am troubled over our future. I cannot possibly live forever and the idea of becoming like him is an impossibility. I do not know what I am to do. The thought of living without him brings about a pain in my heart like no other. _

_30 May, 1790_

_I have spoken to Demitri of my concerns and judging by his reaction, I feel as though he was expecting this conversation. He told me, rather stoically, that this was a decision I was to make on my own and that he would support whatever decision I made. He said his life was a difficult one and he would never force it upon me. He also said he loved me very much and would leave me in peace if I were to decide to stay human. I have been crying hopelessly all night and my eyes feel as though they are on fire. I am unsure of what to do. I cannot watch those I love grow old and pass on, yet, I cannot be without Demitri. _

_2 June, 1790_

_Demitri and I have parted ways. I decided becoming a vampire is not something I can live with, it is not what I want despite how much I want Demitri. He was devastated, I know, but he did not fight me. He kissed me passionately one last time, and I smiled at me before leaving me forever. I do not know if I well regret this decision in twenty years, but I know it was for the best._

_15 July, 1790_

_It has been over a month since I said goodbye to Demitri. I fear I will never love another the way I loved him. I have not met any man that has been able to compare to him. I feel I have made the biggest mistake of my life._

I shut the book before I can read any more and I feel my chest tightening and my blood racing. I am terrified of what I've just read. The idea of Damon being immortal and I being human has entered my mind many times before. I've always just pushed it aside and labeled it as something we'd deal with later. But now, reading Evangeline's diary, it's become more real than I'd ever hoped to acknowledge.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey everyone! So I got a question about the status of Damon and Bonnie's relationship. I wanted to imply that they are together, which is why Bonnie's is questioning her future with Damon. But I don't think I made that very clear so I'm sorry about that. But yeah, at this point they are together. I'm so glad you guys liked the first part so here's the second part. Please let me know what you think. Love, BamonTivaLove_

I end up spending the entire night thinking about the contents of Evangeline's diary. Her haunting last words about Demitri had been dancing around in my head all night, not letting me forget them for even a second. I had thought about the trouble Damon's immortality could bring, but it was something I tried to ignore, something I know Elena ignored as well. I pictured Damon's face all night, trying to picture not being with him and my chest tightened and I felt as though someone had kicked me in the lungs and I could barely breathe. What is this dependence I have on him? Is it normal to want someone so badly? Does he feel the same way about me?

I end up only getting about two hours of sleep and I can feel the bags under my eyes even before I see them in the mirror. I apply concealer but I know that Damon will know something is wrong. He always knows. When he calls me I pretend I'm feeling sick and that I'd rather be alone at the moment. I can hear the hesitation in his voice, as if he knows I'm lying but he lets it slide and says he has to take care of something anyway. I'm too distracted by everything going on in my head to even question what exactly Damon has to "take care of".

Elena texts and calls me throughout the day and I know by the time there's a knock on my door, that it's her, waiting for an explanation.

"Hey," I say, as I open the door.

"Bonnie why aren't you answering your phone?" she asks, storming in.

"I'm sorry," I reply. "I'm just not in the mood to talk to anyone right now."

"Okay I get that," she says, furrowing her eyebrows. "But this is Mystic Falls. You can't just not answer your texts."

I roll my eyes. "Just because I don't answer my phone doesn't mean I'm dead Elena."

"Here, it does," she says, sighing tiredly.

I walk back into my living room and plop down on the couch, the diaries unopened.

"What's wrong?" she asks, sitting down next to me and eyeing the books.

I shake my head and sigh. "I've just been reading some of the Bennett diaries Damon gave me. Something's got me a little shaken up that's all."

"What?" she asks, leaning forward.

I look at her for a while, deciding whether I should burden her with this worry too. She has to have thought about it at one point; it's not like ignoring that your boyfriend has bad breath or is an awful driver. I decide I need someone to unload on.

"One of my ancestors Evangeline," I start, "fell in love with a vampire named Demitri. She had to make the decision to become a vampire and stay with him forever or stay human and lose him forever. It's just got me thinking about me and Damon and how we're ever supposed to work."

Elena's eyes shift and I can tell I've hit a nerve with her. So she _has _thought about it.

"What did she decide?" she asks.

"She decided to stay human," I reply. "The last passage I read, she talked about how she regretted it. It was only a month after she had decided. I'm too scared to read the rest."

Elena sighs and I can tell she's trying to think of something comforting to say. She's drawn a blank. Because honestly, Elena has no idea what she's going to do either. She's too loyal to her family to ever turn into a vampire but she loves Stefan and I know she wants to be with him.

"What are we going to do Elena?" I murmur, pulling my knees up to my chin.

"I don't know," she replies, staring straight ahead.

A few hours after Elena has left, Damon comes over and I can tell that he knows something is wrong. He doesn't even bother knocking, but just comes in quietly and finds me lying down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"Contemplating your existence?" he asks, playfully, not knowing that that is exactly what I am thinking about.

I flick my eyes over at him and say nothing. He walks over to my bed slowly and sits down next to me. He's trying to be patient but patience is not in his nature and I can feel him growing antsy with the silence.

"Bonnie," he says, so softly I barely even hear him at all.

"It's nothing," I say, sitting up. "It's just, these things I've been thinking about. These diaries."

He raises his eyebrows, but doesn't say anything.

I sigh. "One of my ancestors Evangeline, she fell in love…with a vampire named Demitri."

Damon sits back and makes a face, as if he was expecting this.

"She had to make a choice Damon," I continue, avoiding looking at him because if I do I know I won't want to talk about this anymore. "She had to decide whether to be a vampire with him or stay human and lose him. It just…it just reminded me of the thing we've avoided talking about."

"I forgot about that passage," he mutters, as if he's mentally head slapping himself for it. "That's not something you have to worry about right now Bonnie."

"Then when do I worry about it Damon?" I ask, my voice rising. "When I'm thirty and you're still 21 physically? C'mon."

Something flashes in his eyes and I can see I've hit a nerve, just like the one I hit with Elena.

"You just don't have to think about this now okay," he says, smiling his trademark smile. "You're still young, I'm still a 145 year old stud; we're good right now."

"Right now," I reply, frustrated at his lack of understanding. "I'm going to get old eventually. I'm going to die eventually. I can't spend my life with someone who can't grow old with me. And you can't be with someone that will grow old and die eventually."

Damon's jaw clenches and his eyes are probing mine, trying to see if there's something more I'm not telling him.

"So is this your way of saying you don't want to be together anymore Bonnie?" he asks, annoyed.

"No," I snap. "I mean, I don't know. Haven't you ever thought about this?"

"Yeah Bonnie, lots of times," he admits. "But I thought you understood the conditions of being with a vampire who doesn't die. This isn't exactly new information."

"I know," I say, playing with the ring on my right hand. "I just…I always tried to ignore it because thinking about it was too hard. And now that I've read Evangeline's diary, it's the only thing I can think about and it's driving me insane."

"Just, don't think about this right now," he replies, taking my hand and running a finger along it.

"Damon," I say, snatching my hand away. "Be serious."

"What do you want from me Bonnie?" he shouts. "Huh? What the hell do you want me to say? I can't ask you to turn for me and I can't tell you to end this thing between me and you. I don't know what to say to any of this. It's kind of coming out of left field after all."

"I want you to acknowledge that this is serious," I say loudly, my voice shaking.

"I know this is serious," he says, his voice low and dark. "I know."

"I just don't know how this is ever going to work," I say, putting my face in my hands.

"Well you've obviously made up your mind about this," he says, standing up.

"Damon," I say, but I can't say anything more.

"No you know what Bonnie," he replies, standing in my doorway. "This isn't something I'm okay with talking about. I don't want to talk about it. You make whatever decision you think is best and let me know when you've made it."

I watch him walk out and am too shocked at his reaction to even call after him.

_Okay I'm not done yet. Still another chapter, possibly two left to go. Please let me know what you think!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Wow okay I'm terribly sorry for how long its been since I've updated but I just ran out of inspiration and I didn't want to give you guys some crappy ending. I'm still not sure how I feel about this ending. *Spoilers!* This week's TVD was beyond heartbreaking. I was totally shipping Rose and Damon so my heart hurt when she died and seeing how much pain Damon was in. The music they used for that scene when he killed her was beautiful. And the dream sequence was in my opinion the most gorgeous scene they've ever had on TVD. *END SPOILER*_

"Maybe I love you, maybe I just like the sound. But if you disappear you'll still hear when my heart hits the ground."

-Katie Herzig

"There is love of course. And then there's life, its enemy."

-Jean Anouilh

"What," he says, his eyes unreadable and his face emotionless.

"I want to talk," I reply, still standing in his doorway, feeling more like a stranger to him than ever before.

He stares at me for a few seconds, as if he doesn't believe me but steps back so that I can step inside.

"_What happened?" asked Stefan, as I let him in to my house. _

"_What are you talking about?" I asked, not wanting to spill my guts about Damon if that wasn't what he was referring to._

"_He's moody and temperamental ever since he came back from seeing you," he said, furrowing his eyebrows in that way I knew so well. "I'm worried about him. I haven't seen him like this since….well you know."_

"_Katherine," I murmured._

_He nodded and crossed his arms and I knew he was expecting an answer. _

"_I don't know," I said, throwing my arms in the air. "The subject of me being human and him being a vampire has been on my mind a lot."_

_He raised his eyebrows, confused._

"_I mean," I clarified, "the thought that one day I'll get old and die and he'll still be a vampire has been bothering me lately. I brought it up to him and we got into an argument. I just don't know what to do."_

_He got this look in his eyes, the same look that I saw in Elena's eyes and for a split second, in Damon's. It was this mixture of surprise and quiet regret, as if they all had been trying to push the thought to the back of their mind and avoid the question as much as possible. _

"_And you and Damon talked about this?" he asked, looking up from the spot on the couch he had been looking at. _

"_Well, I brought it up," I said, shrugging. "But it didn't end well. He didn't want to talk about it."_

"_Look Bonnie," he began, almost as if he was thinking twice about saying whatever it is he was about to say. "Whatever you choose, it has to be your choice and Damon knows that. All this talk about forever and being human and death, it freaks us non mortals out. I know he loves you, that's why he reacted so strongly."_

"_What about you?" I asked, tears forming in my eyes. "What about you and Elena?"_

_Stefan shook his head and looked down. "I don't know what she wants just yet. Whatever she chooses, I'm ready to accept it. Right now it's just about her and being with her as long as possible before she has to make that decision."_

"_But doesn't that scare you?"I asked, my voice rising. "Doesn't the thought of her possibly choosing mortality over you scare you? Doesn't not knowing scare you."_

_Stefan smiled sadly and nodded. "Yeah it does. But there's nothing I can do about it. Like a lot of things in life, this is something I can't control."_

_I laughed, perpetually surprised at his control and his ability to see everything rationally. I suppose after a century it becomes easier to see the world this way._

"I haven't seen you around since we talked two days ago," I say, trying desperately to cut the tension filling the air and choking me.

"I've been occupied," he replies, his voice as emotionless as I've ever heard it.

"Doing what?" I ask, hating myself for how meek my voice sounds.

"Bonnie I really don't feel like doing small talk so are you going to tell me what you came here for?" he snaps, walking toward the liquor cabinet and pouring himself a drink.

"Yeah," I reply, feeling my chest tighten. "I came here to talk about…that thing we were talking about."

"Oh you mean you just realizing that you're human and I'm a vampire," he says, with so little emotion that I start to wonder if he's gotten over it already. The thought vanishes from my mind, however, when I look at him and see the hurt I know he's trying so hard to hide with sarcasm and stoicism.

I sit down on his couch and put my face in my hands. I'm silent for so long that he walks over and sits on the chair across from me, just watching. I'm so tempted to get inside his head, to make this easier for me but I can't bring myself to cheat at this.

"I don't know what to do," I say, honestly. I can feel the huge lump arising in my throat and I hate myself for it. My eyes start to burn and I try to look anywhere but at Damon.

He doesn't say anything and now I hate _him _ for making this harder for me.

"I love you," I say, making sure to look up at him. "But I can't, I can't become a vampire. I can't live that life and I can't give up everything I know, even for you. But the thought of being without you, it's like someone is taking everything I trust and believe in and taking it from me. I'm lost Damon. I'm confused and I can't stand having to make this choice."

He nods and I see his jaw lock in that way I know so well.

"I can't make this choice for you Bonnie," he says, his voice quieter than I've ever heard it.

I nod and stand up slowly, and then walk over to him cautiously, as if at any moment he'll snap. Or maybe I'm afraid I'll break down and give up on fighting this.

I sit down next to him and take his hand. He laces his fingers through mine but doesn't meet my eyes.

I kiss his cheekbone softly and he breathes in sharply. I take one hand and pull his face towards mine so that my forehead is resting on the side of his face.

"I will always love you," I whisper, feeling the tears streaming down my face. "Always."

He nods and I can see his eyes have turned glossy, but he's doing everything in his power to fight the tears I know are there. He still wont look at me, he just keeps staring into the fire, the flames making his expression that much more heartbreaking.

"I want you to hate me," I continue, my voice cracking. "I don't want you to think about me with good thoughts. I want you to take everything you dislike about me and focus on it."

He laughs quietly and bitterly, finally looking at me. His face grows serious and I see his eyes perusing my entire face.

"You can't ask me to do that," he sighs, shaking his head. "And I won't do it."

I nod and look away, feeling my heart shattering into a million tiny pieces.

"I can't be near you though," he continues, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "If I see you again, it will be impossible for me to stay away."

At this point I can feel my lungs closing in but I nod anyway, trying my hardest not to scream into a pillow.

He looks to me and takes my face in his hands, just looking deep into my eyes. He leans forward and kisses me, gently at first and then passionately. I feel like I'll never be able to let go.

We finally break the kiss when a sound escapes my mouth and I being to shake uncontrollably. Tears are streaming down my face but I only take the back of his neck and bring him close to me for a hug. He holds me tightly and buries his face in my neck and I almost take back every word.

When the door closes behind me, I shake with the thought that this could be the biggest mistake I've ever made.

_Gahhh I told you I wasn't sure about this ending but I felt it was the most realistic considering who Bonnie is. It broke my heart to write this I assure you. Review and let me know what you thought._


	4. Chapter 4

_Hi everyone! It's been so long since I've updated and I'm soooo sorry. So I wasn't going to continue this story because I liked to think I was done but I got so many people asking for another part so I wrote another part. I was going to end it differently to please everyone but it didn't feel right so I ended it the way I wanted to. I hope you like it anyway and let me know what you think. I saw the quote on the bottom in my theatre book the other day and it inspired this next part of the story. I also listened to Love So Alike by Anne Dudley on repeat the entire time I was writing this story lol. So those were my inspirations. Let me know what you think !_

"_The heart has reasons that reason cannot know."_

_Blaise Pascal_

I'm back in my own home now, my body numb from what had just happened. I suppose I should have known better than to mess with a relationship like the one I had with Damon. Nothing could ever become of it. He is a vampire; destined to live forever, his face never changing like a picture preserved in a museum for all eternity. I am human. I am a witch but I am human, mortal.

There's a knock at my door and I barely have the strength to stand up and open it. Stefan is standing on my porch and if its possible for a vampire to look this way, he looks tired and old.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, not in the mood to speak to anyone.

"I wanted to talk to you," he said, his voice low and unsure.

"I'm sorry Stefan but now really isn't a good time," I reply, already reaching to close the door.

"Its important Bonnie," he insists, putting his hand on the door.

I sigh and let him in, just wanting to throw myself onto my bed and sleep until I forget about this whole day.

"I wanted to talk to you about what's going on between you and Damon," he says, sitting down next to me.

"Stefan if you came here to try to change my mind…" I begin, but he interrupts.

"That's not why I'm here."

"Then why _are _you here?"

His eyebrows furrows and he takes a breath, as if whatever he's about to say makes him nervous.

"Stefan," I say, the silence too much to bear.

He finally looks up at me, his green eyes full of something I can't make out.

"I think you're right to leave Damon," he finally says, as if it takes all his strength to let the words escape.

"You do," I say, skeptically.

"Yes," he continues, nodding. "You're human Bonnie."

He smiles unsurely and looks down at his hands.

"I would give anything to be human again," he admits, his voice shaking. "I would give anything to be able to hear my own heart beat and be able to be around people without constantly wanting to tear their throats out."

"Stefan," I say, shocked that he had these thoughts. I shouldn't be surprised, I know. But I always held Stefan at a higher level than most vampires, than most humans to be honest.

"Its true," he says, gruffly. "I would do anything to be able to have a family again and be able to spend forever with the person I love without having to ask them to sacrifice their god given right to live and eventually die. No one should live forever Bonnie. It's not natural. It's not good for you. Damon would give anything to be human too."

"I know," I whisper, feeling tears forming in my eyes again.

"And that's why you shouldn't sacrifice the kind of life you have now for the one we have," he says. "Its not fair to you and you'll regret it later on. Even if you love Damon and want to be with him forever, there will always be a part of you that will want to be free from it all, just be free from the burden."

"Is that how you feel?" I ask. "Even with Elena in your life?"

"Keep it between us?" he asks, his eyes sad.

I nod.

"Yes," he admits. "I love her more than anything in this world but, nothing can make being a vampire feel good. Nothing can compensate for all the things you miss out on as a vampire."

I nod again and look away. I feel as though I'm going to choke on the lump in my throat. I put my hand to my mouth, strange noises coming out all of a sudden as I burst into tears.

Stefan puts his arm around my shoulder and hugs me.

"You'll move on eventually," he says into my hair. "You'll find someone else and you'll start a family and before you know it, this will all just be a memory."

"What about you and Elena?" I ask, pulling away. "What will you do?"

"When she decides she wants a normal life, that she wants to be with a human, I'll step aside," he says, stoically."

"Just like that?" I ask. "It will be that easy?"

"No," he says. "But I would never ask her to choose."

"I need to get out of here for a while," I say. " I can't be where Damon is and move on."

He nods as though he understands. "I know. Where will you go?"

"I have an aunt in Charleston I can stay with," I say. "Do you think Damon will be okay?"

"Yeah," he says. "We'll make sure of it."

"Good," I reply. "I'll come by later to say bye to Elena and Caroline."

"You're doing the right thing," he assures me, as if he can tell I'm having second thoughts. "You're doing the brave thing."

"Thank you," I reply, as he reaches in to hug me. "You really do deserve Elena Stefan. I'm so sorry things can't be different."

"Me too," he says, sadly.

I had intended to sneak on to Damon's front porch and slip a letter under his door, unnoticed. I should have known better.

"What's that," he says, opening the front door and seeing the letter on the floor.

"Just something I want you to read," I say, turning around since he had caught me just as I was walking away.

He looks at it quietly for a few seconds and then flicks his eyes up at me. They're so blue, so intense that I'm tempted to forget everything and be with him.

"What does it say?" he asks.

"You're supposed to read it," I laugh, amused at his eternal impatience.

"Well since you're already here," he shrugs.

I sigh. "It says that I love you and I don't think I'll ever find anyone like you again."

"What else does it say?" he prods.

I look away this time. "It says that I'm leaving for a while because I can't be in the same town as you and get over you."

"You don't have to leave, " he says, bending down to pick up the letter. "I can leave."

"No," I say quickly. "No. Stay. You were here first after all."

He smiles a little, almost to himself.

We stand there in silence for what seems like forever until he finally breaks the silence and says,

"I've never really cared for people like you," he says, bluntly.

"What?" I ask, not sure if I should be offended.

"Judgmental, self righteous, moral people," he continues. "Even when I was human."

"Well it's a good thing this didn't work out then," I say, stoically.

He laughs and leans against the doorway.

"You're the first person I've ever really loved without anything tainting it," he says. "You weren't manipulating me and you weren't in love with someone else. You didn't need me for anything. That's what I like the most. That you never needed me."

"You never needed me," I say, my heart racing a little faster.

He laughs again. "We both know that's not true."

I stand there, wanting to end this now because I know if he says one more perfect thing I'll never be able to leave.

"I know you'll be fine," he says. "I never did have to worry about you."

"And what about you?" I ask timidly. "Will you be fine?"

"Yeah," he replies, shrugging. "Nothing a few living, breathing college girls and a bottle of strong vodka won't fix."

"Damon," I say, stepping closer.

He smiles, letting me know he's only trying to hide what he's really feeling.

"I'll be okay," he assures me. "Eventually."

I nod and take in everything about him, one last time.

"Thank you," he says.

"For what?"

"Everything," he shrugs. "For never changing for me. For making things easier."

"Maybe I'll see you again soon," I say, choking up at the thought that one day I'll be older and he probably wont even recognize me.

"You will," he says, confidently. "I'll make sure of it."

I smile and start to back away but before I know it he's right in front of me. He puts his hand on my neck gently and pulls me toward him and kisses me softly. Its not long or passionate but its real and honest and the most genuine of any kiss I've ever felt.

"I love you," I whisper in his neck as we hug.

"I love you," he says, kissing me on the spot right above my cheekbone.


End file.
